|
I was sorting out the newspapers when my eye fell on a photo of women holding candles. I read the caption: White Ribbon Day Observed. I knew the pink ribbon symbolized cancer and the red ribbon stood for AIDS, but what was this white ribbon about? I read further and there it was,
The date was 25th November, it had just passed. The article mentioned that in these turbulent times, it was even more imperative to ensure women empowerment. The day was observed throughout the country including sensitive cities like Swat, Malakand, Dir, Peshawar, DI Khan, Quetta and DG Khan to create ripples of peace, as White Ribbon is an anti-violence campaign. If you have the upper hand in a relationship and tend to exploit your power, you are indeed involved in domestic violence. It’s not just about having a tough day at work and venting your frustration by slapping around your partner. If you make your wife beg for some extra cash to manage the household affairs, or belittle your husband over his over-indulgence in religious practices and try to dissuade him in one way or another; rest assured, you have joined ranks with perpetrators of domestic abuse.
What do we really know about domestic violence though? My mind jumps onto images of a woman huddled on the floor while a relentless hand comes down on her again and yet again. True enough, this is domestic violence at its core-and it’s ugliest. It’s not where it ends though. According to an online source, types of domestic abuse include physical, verbal (also called emotional, mental, or psychological abuse), sexual, financial, and spiritual abuse [Source]. Moreover, despite what most of us would ever believe, the women aren’t always the victims. While my sister was in Karachi, she told me about a couple on her apartment floor who often fought. One night, there was a lot of commotion, and when she peeked outside; a heavy-set man was down on the floor sobbing loudly while his wife continued beating him. Do you know what her, and even my, immediate reaction was? We laughed. Within seconds though, I realized how viciously cruel I had been. The degree of shame for a person to be reduced to the level of roadside trash and be thrown around the place. None of us can even begin to fathom the spirals of self-hate and mortification that befalls the victims. In another instance I recall, a woman was regularly beaten by her husband and father-in-law. One night, she was beaten and then thrown out of the house. She had no immediate way of getting her daughter back and went back to her parents’ house. She was subsequently divorced. Something like this is hard to keep quiet, and even though everyone has a distinct idea of the truth, few knew the whole story. It’s only because of family acquaintance that we know the extent of her torture. What surprises me the most to this day, however, is her persistence in quelling all the rumors-no matter how close to reality they may be. She was the victim, she suffered so much, got beaten, berated and thrown out and after all the truckloads of crap that came down on her; she refuses action against her ghastly in-laws! In a 2003 research paper printed in the Pakistan Journal of Medical Sciences, a survey of 216 women was conducted, and a staggering 96.76%(209/216) admitted to have been subjected to abuse, ranging from hitting and shouting to being threatened by a gun or knife. Even though the scope was limited-covering only the twin cities-it was appalling to say the least. More astounding: 108 (51.7%) reportedly did not respond in any way and merely suffered the violence and its attendant consequences in silence. To uphold dignity-family’s and one’s own-the suffering continues behind barred doors. Divorce is unthinkable; release is impossible. You hide your fears and wipe the tears, you supplicate and despair in vain. It seems like things are getting better again, but inevitably, you’re pulled back in. These are the remnants of the glorified institution of matrimony.
Reported in Dawn on July 9th, 2009, “From April to June this year, 122 cases of women being burnt were reported in Lahore”. [Source] The Human Rights Watch found that up to 90% of women in Pakistan were subject to domestic abuse, within their own homes. [Source] The irony, I say. How do you take on domestic violence in Pakistan? Your opinion/comments will add lots of value to this discussion. Related Articles |
-
Subscribe To Us
-
-
Tech Updates- Apple iPad – Complete Review, Specs, Pics and Video
- TDash.org – A Web Based Twitter Dashboard
- Ovi Maps for Nokia Symbian S60 – Free Download
- Amir Khan is the Brand Ambassador of Etisalat
- Sony Ericsson Xperia x10 – Features Preview
- 20 Most Wanted Blogspot Video Tutorials
- HD3 Black Pearl Watch – The Pirates Treasure
- Top 10 Best Laptops 2010
- Download Avast antivirus 5
- Bharti Names Chris Tobit as CEO Warid Bangladesh
- Google Maps for Nokia N900
- Eset Nod32 Username Passwords and Kespersky/McAfee Keys
- NEXUS one theme for BlackBerry
- Motorola BackFlip – Specs Pictures and Review
- Orbit Dowloader 3.0 – Download Here
-
Download
{ 1 trackback }
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
sakina, sakina. you seem to write articles that are useful and of interest. the only thing is that we don’t need to tell people that islam condemns domestic violence. that is common sense. the only solution to domestic violence is to kill the *****
p.s. i am your fan.
A Mother is institution,in first 3-years a son learns all the basics of love later in his age he learns etiquettes how to act in society and same mother later turns into mother-Inlaw ,a woman so called enemy to another woman i.e to her daughter In-law.This is real picture of our society you can peak in at any window .
According to my experience if a girl spend with her in laws the first 10-years with passions and come over all sufferings than her future life will be Win win,she should tackle all situation in a humble way,put tape on her lips,these are few tips to my sisters for survival otherwise life is very terrible,I come across lot of stories day by day.
In short illetracy,poverty, & might is right are the bases of domestic Violence in our society.
The political debate in Pakistan is a story which would not help create anything positive in the country. However the media can help by showing positive results of the fight against terrorism in Pakistan. An optimistic overview can actually cause a sense of improvement in the country.
If there is domestic violence in Pakistan it is being eradicated by justice. The new clauses set out against the acid burnt victims in Pakistan is an example. The same is for terrorism. The media can show how effectively Pakistan is fighting terrorism and cause more awareness which would be a positive thing.
@ Hasaan: You’re right about promoting the good side to instill greater hope. I do think efforts have been made in that direction too. You mentioned acid survivors, i don’t know if you know but there is an islamabad-based NGO by the same name and the founder of the Pakistani branch (wife of some foreign diplomat) did a radio show to create awareness. It was a year ago, and i believe that is where the problem lies. Media focus is far and wide on such a relevant issue.
@Usman Hashmani: Sir, I respect uor views and you coudn’t be more right about where the root to this menace lies. Neverthelss, I have one question to ask you. You say that if the daughter-in-law compromises in the initial stage it would be win-win for her. You defined 10 years as that initial stage–the same stage when she would start having children, get to actally and I repeat, actually understand the person and family she has married into and carve a new identity as a married woman. If she puts a tape to her lips now just to be a dutiful daughter-in-law, what’s to say her status as a mother, wife and more importantly an independent woman, don’t get jeopardized? Believe me, when people want to be mean, they aren’t looking for instigation….just an object of release.
@you know who: Remember the cliche: common sense isn’t always that common:) Wives are often viewed as commodities as opposed to one’s fair half. Sometimes an Islamic rejoinder can alter someone’s thinking. Thank you for being my fan:)
a lot of this violence due to the extremism that has been evolved in this part of the world. Now that the army operation is a success and the Taliban and alwaqeeda militants are being killed everyday. These extremist are now trying to regain some sympathy by calling this a war against non muslim because Pakistan does not agree with their killings of innocent people. Extremism must be washed out completely from Pakistan.
The domestic violence will finish eventually with the end of extremism in our country.The operation that the Pak army has started is a big success inshAllah and will remain like this. Now the Taliban and Alqaeeda and running in wake of defeat. The media needs to play a good role now by giving space to moderate elements and liberal views in the society which is the pathway to better future of Pakistan
end of violence means ofcurse end of extremism and terrorism from the land Pakistan. This day is not far. The army has done a great job. Now that the extremist group are being defeated they are using media to damage control. Media should opt a anti-terror strategy and fail them by giving space to liberal elements and open minded views.
@ Sakina & Hasaan The NGO you are talking about is Acid Survivors Foundation (ASF) and its chairperson is Mrs. Valerie Khan Yousafzai. ASF provides medical, psycho-social and legal support to the victims of acid attacks to ensure physical reconstruction and reintegration into the mainstream society. We also try to engage the media and society in general, as far as possible, for the implementation of prevention activities, with due respect to the acid victims’ privacy and confidentiality.
It is a common problem as to how this issue is projected in the media. Being a focal point of awareness, instead of showing pictures to gain sympathy the media should focus on the survivor’s empowerment and rehabilitation. It should focus on how the victims or survivors of violence capitalise on their strengths and capabilities and reintegrate back in the society.. This would instill hope in other survivors and encourage them to seek professional help and take charge of their lives instead of waiting for a miracle to save them from the hardship and agony, like they say ‘dependency is death to initiative, risk-taking and opportunity’. Overall the media should keep a positive mind frame while addressing sensitive issues, as with awareness comes great responsibility and even greater accountability!
You can find out more about the issue of acid violence and our organization on; http://www.acidsurvivorspakistan.org, or simply email Mrs. Valerie Khan on; valekhan@yahoo.fr
Regards,
Sana Masood
Legal Coordinator
ASF, Pakistan.
@Sakina sis…. I fully endorse your thoughts with few exceptions.I’m not in favor of an IN-dependent woman, the reason behind this,woman is very weak creature from east to west ,I ‘m aware how people play with her,how people break the pairs & homes,she needs protection doesn’t matter whether she has education or not, that’s why I wrote earlier that she must pass her 10-initial years with passions at her In-laws’ Custody, in mean time she will get psychological ,moral & physical help from her growing kids to penetrate her roots In her IN-Laws Garden.When my mom got married at that time divorce rate was 2%,now when I’m about to marry, divorce rate is 50%.In the same way when my mom got married sugar was Rs.2/Kilo now Rs.50/kilo.I don’t want to go for unneccessary conversation,we can’nt change the facts & factors.If you know the tact of living , handling & selection of humans Plus can read their psycholgy and disscuss in your family,for sure you have edge upon others.
When I was studying Law at Islamia College karachi,we had very competent,respected teacher,ex-police officer plus well known crimnal lawyer with lot of experience, FaizUddin Sahib,one day in class during lecture,he revealed that on this earth the relationship b/w wife & Husband is like a knot tighten by cord,both live under one roof but always after each other,looks to other as a pair, but in reality 2- different entities.Unless they have blind faith on each other which he had’nt experienced in all his professional career.
Dear Usman,
I understand your worries about an international independant woman, but please : Acid Survivors Foundation is not a one woman show, there is a board of Active directors, not puppet ones (mostly Pakistani men) who are real strong men who are mostly married to independant Pakistani women and who are not afraid of it….
In addition to this, I am married to a pachtoun from Swabi who is enlightened but who is also attached to its roots and culture. I think that the main important element here is to underline that real men who are not insecure, who possess common sense if not education, do not hurt more fragile creatures but protect them, do nut use violence but their brain and wisdom to find a solution to a difficult situation…
Yes, it is a matter of education, of upbringing, of values, but domestic violence is a world wide spread phenomenon and it is our common responsibility to guarantee a better world for our children, our daughters… A woman independance does not mean she should be alone, we all need each other, but she should have the right and the capacity to choose for herself because she is not an object, but a responsible citizen, a human being…
Leave a Comment